Iggy Pop’s Merch Booth Doesn’t Sell T-Shirts

CHICAGO — The merch booth for Iggy Pop reportedly doesn’t sell t-shirts of the iconic musician, confirmed sources who were looking for a size medium, if possible.

“We adhere to a strict ‘no shirts’ rule here, just like Iggy would’ve wanted,” said merch guy Brent Macguire while folding boxer briefs with Pop’s likeness on the crotch. “Every band sells t-shirts at their booths, so we’re just trying to stand out from the other legendary musical acts. I mean, who needs shirts when you have Iggy Pop socks, Iggy Pop tote bags, and limited edition Iggy Pop monogrammed towels? Besides, what are you even going to do with a t-shirt anyway? Wear it in public? No one in their right mind would do that, unless of course you’re a total nerd. If you want to be a dork and wear a band shirt, go to They Might Be Giants’ booth.” 

Fans were disappointed by Pop’s merchandise selection, albeit impressed with the dedication to the bit. 

“I had 80 bucks in my hand all ready to purchase an official Iggy Pop tour shirt when the merch guy laughed in my face for such a, what he called, ‘preposterous request,’” said longtime fan Grisham Durwitz. “I guess I’ll have to spend my hard-earned cash on these Iggy jean shorts instead. Or maybe these Iggy Pop luggage sets? Or how about the hand-carved Iggy Pop bird feeders? Actually, it looks like they’re all sold out of those. What about this Iggy Pop chef’s hat or official beekeeper outfit? It’s so hard to choose. I guess I’ll just go with the jar of peanut butter that appears to be a collaboration between JIF and Iggy. Always wanted one of those.”

Merch experts have been tracking this trend for years now.

“We’ve seen a lot of common items missing in musicians’ merch booths over the years,” said merchandise purveyor Grace Johnson. “Andrew W.K. got rid of his official beer koozies once he went sober. New Found Glory has never sold hoodies because the band is from Florida and doesn’t understand the concept of cold weather. And finally, Bruce Springsteen stopped selling stickers at his booths as, according to him, they weren’t of the ‘scratch and sniff variety, so why bother?’ The Boss just can’t get enough of those.”

At press time, fans were able to purchase a Japanese bootleg import of a Pop shirt for $150.

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