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Home/Satire - The Onion/Artist Profile: Ella Langley

Artist Profile: Ella Langley

September 3, 2026

Country star Ella Langley is breaking records with her hit song “Choosin’ Texas,” which has now topped the Billboard Hot 100 for 20 weeks. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist.

Nepotism Connection: Child of God

Honors And Accolades: CMA Award For Female Vocalist Of The Year—Brunette Division

Greatest Achievement: Endured nearly four minutes in a vocal booth with Morgan Wallen

Signature Look: Alt-baiting

Meaning Behind Her Music: Trivia night’s over, and the bar’s singles mixer is starting

Country Bona Fides: Friends with multiple cows

Special Abilities: Bangs render her immune to psychic attacks

Politics: What about them?

Person Standing Outside Her House At 3 A.M.: Taylor Swift

The post Artist Profile: Ella Langley appeared first on The Onion.

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