White House Confirms It Customary For President To Start Press Conference With ‘Moo’

WASHINGTON—Defending the introductory barnyard sounds as typical for any commander-in-chief, White House officials confirmed Wednesday that it was customary for U.S. presidents to start a press conference with the word ‘moo.’ “Of course the left-wing press is going to attempt to spin this as some sort of insult or mental outburst, but countless presidents since America’s founding have begun taking questions by pointing at a heavyset reporter and making a deep, bellowing cow noise,” said White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, asserting that several archival recordings of John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton feature those presidents making animal sounds before they launch into their prepared remarks. “It’s just another unfair double standard against Trump, criticizing him for mooing like every leader before him. George W. Bush did a whole series of barks and woofs before addressing the nation in the wake of 9/11, but of course liberals won’t acknowledge that precedent.” Wiles went on to state that countless modern politicians also end their public appearances by crab-walking away from the podium.

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