Todd Blanche Vows To Remain Fully Independent Of The Law

WASHINGTON—Assuring the American people he would not let the legal system sway his judgment in any decision he makes, recently sworn-in Attorney General Todd Blanche vowed at a press conference Monday to remain fully independent of the law. “The autonomy of the Office of the Attorney General is paramount, and I will defend it against any act, statute, ordinance, or even basic common-law principle,” said Blanche, emphasizing that no federal law or constitutional restriction would have any influence whatsoever upon his investigations, prosecutions, or other official actions. “For far too long, the Department of Justice has displayed a prominent pro-law bias, but under my tenure that will be rectified immediately. As of this morning, I have shelved all cases against those accused of crimes and launched inquiries into several people toward whom the president has expressed a slight personal distaste.” Blanche added that he would wholeheartedly defend President Donald Trump from any attempt to restrain his actions using the U.S. Constitution.

The post Todd Blanche Vows To Remain Fully Independent Of The Law appeared first on The Onion.