Cheryl Hines Walks In On RFK Jr. Vivisecting Self Again

WASHINGTON—Coming to an abrupt halt in the bedroom doorway and staring in surprise at her husband’s exposed entrails, actress Cheryl Hines reportedly walked in Tuesday on Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. vivisecting himself again. “Oh, er, honey, you’re home early—I’m just taking a peek under the hood to make sure all my organs are still humming along nicely,” said Kennedy, with sources confirming that he appeared embarrassed as he removed his hands from between his lungs and beating heart in his thoracic cavity and reached over to the nightstand to retrieve his excised sternum. “No, I haven’t forgotten we have dinner reservations tonight. Just let me hook my digestive tract back together, and I can be ready in 10. Oh, don’t give me that look. I put a towel down, and a man’s entitled to cut open his own body. Also, I grabbed your makeup compact so I could use the little mirror. It’s over here next to my bone saw if you’re looking for it. Say, since my rib cage is already open…you want to mess around with my liver a little before we leave? Okay, okay, sorry for asking. Just help me sew myself shut, and we can go.” According to sources, Kennedy asked Hines to remind him to pick up more local anesthesia on their way home from dinner. 

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