Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda
Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda: The happy couple were wed in a quiet ceremony attended by 20 friends and one new virus the rest of the world will learn about soon enough. The post Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda appeared first on The Onion.
The Onion’s Top State Fair Foods
As late summer gives way to early fall, many Americans will head to the fair and seek out their favorite regional delicacies. Here are The Onion’s top state fair foods. Smoked Carny Leg Whole Branzino On A Stick Big Ol’ Gulp From The Hose Tums Egg…
New DNC Fundraising Email Urges Voters To Find Something Better To Do With Their Money
WASHINGTON—Pleading with recipients to use their hard-earned cash more productively, a Democratic National Committee fundraising email sent out Thursday urged voters to find something better to do with their money. “There are so many incredible…
Poll: American Voters Say Greatest Concern Is Big Evil Chef Trying To Cook Them Into Stew
HAMDEN, CT—Admitting that the threat of a slow-and-low simmer was at the top of their minds, a majority of American voters responding to a Quinnipiac University poll published Thursday revealed that their greatest concern going into the 2026 midterms was…
Study: Explosive Power Of Rocket Launcher Increased 35% By Shouting ‘Suck On This’
BALTIMORE—Calling the study’s findings “revolutionary” for anyone currently staring down a henchman or terrorist, a study from Johns Hopkins University published Thursday found that the explosive power of a rocket launcher increased by…
We Seem To Be At An Impasse Over What $24.99 Worth Of Shrimp Looks Like
Well, sir, it pains me to say this, but it appears we are at loggerheads: I have said my piece. You have responded in kind. Yet despite my best efforts—and considerable hunger—we seem to have reached an impasse over what $24.99 worth of shrimp looks…
Vacationing Mom Misses Alexa
MYRTLE BEACH, SC—Sighing loudly as she gazed at the empty countertop in the family’s rented condo, vacationing mom Jan Freehorn told reporters Friday that she missed her Alexa. “This is the first time I’ve left Alexa home all by herself,” said the…
Michelle Zhang-Russo
Michelle Zhang-Russo, 54, died expectedly to everyone who knows you should never order oysters from a restaurant on a Monday. The post Michelle Zhang-Russo appeared first on The Onion.
Truth Social Begins Selling Advanced Access To Trump Posts
Truth Social launched a subscription service allowing Wall Street firms to gain advanced access to Trump’s “market-moving” posts, receiving them milliseconds before the general public. What do you think? “It’s almost like you’re right there in the…
What To Know About ‘One Night Only’
One Night Only opens in theaters this weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. Q: What’s the premise? A: In a dystopian alternate reality, dating is sorta awkward and hard to navigate. Q: Who are the leads? A: Two attractive…