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Home/Satire - The Onion/Dad Races Outside To Witness Delivery Of Neighbor’s Mulch

Dad Races Outside To Witness Delivery Of Neighbor’s Mulch

September 17, 2026

GREENSBORO, NC—Bursting through the front door before the piled-high dump truck even came to a complete stop, local dad Glenn Stevenson reportedly raced outside Tuesday to witness the delivery of his neighbor’s mulch. “Well, well, well—unless my eyes deceive, I’d say we’ve got ourselves 800, 900 pounds of cherry brown,” said Stevenson, hands on his hips in the driveway as he watched the truck empty a large mound of fine burgundy chips onto the adjacent front lawn.

What We Know About The Mulch So Far

  • Some good sales right now
  • Looks like it came from Bill’s guy
  • Should’ve had this done by Mother’s Day
  • Would’ve used bark nuggets there, personally
  • Mulch truck awful far from curb

“Probably heading for those hydrangeas, but you’re still gonna have a lot left over if you’re layering it right. Might be enough for those shrubs out back too. I wonder how much a load like this costs. Hundred bucks a yard, I’d say, minimum, not even counting spreading and delivery, of course. Maybe I should ask the guy?” At press time, Stevenson had been seen little outside his home until he suddenly bolted down the front steps as a truck from a paving company arrived across the street and began pouring hot asphalt onto the driveway.

The post Dad Races Outside To Witness Delivery Of Neighbor’s Mulch appeared first on The Onion.

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