Men’s Wearhouse Suit Comes With New Interpol Album Pre-Loaded

HOUSTON — Just days after announcing it would ramp up efforts to not go bankrupt again, Men’s Wearhouse unveiled its sole Fall 2026 piece, a single-breasted, slim-fit, dinner-with-appetizers suit that comes pre-loaded with Interpol’s new album, “This Mirror Weighs a Ton.” 

“We’ve always been known to be a risk-taking, cliff-leaping, balls-brassing brand, but admittedly we were so wrapped up in being radical couturiers that we neglected to be inclusive of a very important genre of man: the hipster,” said Larry Cardigan, Chief Creative Rebel at Men’s Wearhouse, humming along to the new suit whilst wearing it. “Because we so regret abandoning this aging and increasingly morose man, we used him as our vision board for our Fall 2026 suit, and, to show our gratitude, uploaded his all-time favorite band’s new album into the suit’s every fiber. And we made the suit available in the hipster’s three favorite colors: pigeon, malbec, and cold brew.”

Curtis Myrtle, 38, a hipster who lives on the L train despite having an ample trust fund, thinks the suit is insulting.

“As a hipster, I feel pretty unseen by Men’s Wearhouse, and frankly, offended,” Myrtle said. “They finally open up their chic, elitist, edgy as fuck brand to hipsters, and what do they do? They give us an Interpol album that was made long after Carlos D. left the band. I was at Interpol’s secret show at Bowery Ballroom in 2007. You want us to buy your suit? Give us “Turn On The Bright Lights,” you commercial jingle cowards!” 

Devin Imprompt, a marketing analyst with expertise in wearable music, is far from convinced that Men’s Wearhouse latest enterprise will succeed.

“When Apple forced that U2 album onto our devices without our consent, they proved that we get really grossed out when copyrighted music infringes on our privacy,” Imprompt said. “Men’s Wearhouse new suit could be seen as even more invasive, as it can activate Interpol’s new album at any moment, at full-thread-count volume. This is an issue. Spontaneously emitting postpunk new wave mod rock throughout your entire body isn’t always a good thing.” 

At press, Interpol frontman Paul Banks demanded the suits be recalled after his lapels played the album backwards and repeated the refrain “Paul is Dead”. 

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