Chuck Schumer Vows Democrats Will Make Iran War More Affordable
WASHINGTON — New York Democratic Senator Charles Schumer promised that if Democrats take control of the House and Senate after the November midterm elections, they will bring a laser focus to making a prolonged Iran War more affordable, according to sources.
“Unlike the Republicans who refuse to allow Congressional oversight of Trump’s wasteful spending on the war with Iran, Democrats will deliver an Iran War audit so American taxpayers can trust that every dime of their money being spent on blowing up schools, destroying infrastructure, or killing and displacing innocent civilians is absolutely necessary to advance the interests of Benjamin Netanyahu,” said Schumer. “And going forward, Democrats will ensure that a notably smaller portion of the trillion dollars a year our taxpayers spend on defense will get earmarked for Trump’s mismanaged war, unless and until a Democratic administration takes over conducting the war on Iran after the 2028 election.”
A glassy-eyed and twitching Donald Trump Jr. took to his podcast to blast Schumer’s vow to make the Iran War more affordable.
“Chuck Schumer spouting off with his unhinged hatred for President Trump once again proves that he just wants to punish success and criminalize the sort of patriotic capitalism that is making America great again!” Said Trump Jr. “The ‘Demoncrats’ would prefer to hand our nation over to the same America-hating Iranian mullahs who wouldn’t know the first thing about parlaying deals with drone corporations into investment portfolio boons! My brother and I haven’t added hundreds of millions of dollars to our net worths in just a few months by saying ‘Allah Akbar,’ but I won’t be surprised if Schumer and his woke mob forces America’s schoolchildren to start each day saying that instead of our beloved Pledge of Allegiance. It’s time we think seriously about trying Chuck the Cuck for economic treason.”
Alex Lofton, Foreign Policy Fellow at the center-left think tank American Enterprise Institute, noted that Schumer’s vow polls well with political pundits and Beltway insiders who care about the strategies favored by establishment think tanks.
“Senator Schumer smartly views advocating for a more affordable Iran War as the key issue to help Democrats flip Congress in the midterms,” said Lofton. “This is Schumer’s unique brand of three-dimensional chess at its finest because making the Iran War more budget-friendly could also give the Democrats’ brand more credibility with pundits who salivate over ‘grand bargain’ type efforts that would address the deficit by cutting Medicare and Social Security. Sure, most Americans hate these types of proposals but most Americans aren’t employed by organizations with important-sounding names like ‘The Center For Another American Century.’”
At press time, Schumer echoed Joe Biden’s infamous “nothing fundamentally will change” line from the 2020 election by assuring donors that “Democrats’ efforts to rein in spending on the Iran War will not impact the record profits being made by America’s wonderful weapons-makers.”
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