WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Following the abrupt departure of White House press secretary Katie Zacharia, Donald J. Trump announced that her replacement would be the former congressman George Santos.

Speaking to reporters, Santos said he was “thrilled” by the appointment, vowing, “I will bring to this job my experience not only as a lawyer, but as a doctor and astronaut.”

The former legislator said that, in order to take the job, he was cutting short his participation in a reunion tour with his fellow Beatles.

As for Zacharia, In her parting statement she said she was leaving “to spend more time with my children, who will teach me to read.”

TBR’s No Kings Live Chat!

Tomorrow, Saturday October 17, millions of us will hit the streets in No Kings protests across the country.

To bring together the entire TBR community, I’ll be hosting a special No Kings live chat, starting early in the morning and lasting all day.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

Love,

Andy

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