Probably Not a Good Sign: Cannibal Corpse Just Announced Their Next Album Will Need To Be Refrigerated
Even if you’re only tangentially aware of death metal, you’ve heard of Cannibal Corpse. These infamous sickos emerged in the early nineties with pummeling tracks covering such gruesome subject matter as torture and necrophilia. With song titles like “Covered With Sores” and “Addicted to Vaginal Skin”, they cemented their notoriety in the genre and ensured that they took their position among its best and most well-known bands seriously. As such, a recent announcement made by the demented five-piece was, to say the least, unsettling. Apparently their upcoming album will need to be refrigerated.
Well, that’s probably not a good sign.
What could it possibly contain that would require it to be stored at a temperature of 40°F or below? We can think of countless possibilities, and none of them is reassuring. Will it be bound in human skin like the Necronomicon? Will it contain gobs of bloody semen as an homage to the infamous second track on “Tomb of the Mutilated”? Will the liner notes be composed of dried organ meat? Given the band’s discography up to this point, it’s got to be something along these lines. We can’t imagine the CD will be bundled with a container of rainbow sherbet as a tasty treat for their fans.
What’s even more disconcerting is the question of where this mystery substance will be sourced. Is the band hoarding some collection of victims held captive somewhere, having their flesh stripped from their bodies to adorn the 17th LP? If so, who are these poor, damned souls, and is there anything we can do to save them? Honestly, the best-case scenario we can fathom at this point is that George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher and his cohorts have been raiding morgues to complete this fiendish endeavor, which is obviously still criminal, not to mention completely reprehensible.
So what can we do in the meantime? Without being privy to the specifics, not much. God willing, there is some totally innocuous reason for this bizarre requirement that we just didn’t predict, and no action will be necessary apart from purchasing the album and furiously headbanging to it. In the meantime, we’ve contacted law enforcement in Buffalo, New York and instructed them to be at the ready in case foul play is suspected when the new tunes drop, which we certainly hope is not the case. After all, it’s more likely than not that the album is going to rule, and it just wouldn’t hit the same with the knowledge that we’ve put the best-selling death metal band of all time behind bars. Fingers crossed!
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