The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Larry Ellison

Larry Ellison is the co-founder and executive chairman of Oracle, as well as the largest shareholder of the Paramount Skydance Corporation. The Onion sat down with the billionaire to discuss his ventures. 

The Onion : How did you get into the entertainment industry?

Ellison: I remember going to the movies as a kid, and when the houselights went down and that hush fell over the crowd, I’d think to myself: I’d like to build a massive propaganda apparatus one day.

How does it feel to have dropped from the second- to the eighth-richest person in the world in only two months?

I don’t do this for the money. I do it to hurt as many people as possible.

Why is the Paramount–Warner Bros. Discovery merger taking so long?

The Animaniacs are playing hardball.

What do you tell people who say the merger violates antitrust laws?

I usually just do my evil laugh.

You’re on your sixth marriage. Do you think this one will last?

A merger lasts until one entity has extracted all the value it can from the other and then sells it for parts.

Why does your face look like that?

Thank you! I used generative AI and a 3D printer to create it. 

What keeps you up at night?

That there are Hawaiian islands not yet under my personal control.

The post The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Larry Ellison appeared first on The Onion.