Political Profile: Natalie Harp

White House aide Natalie Harp is drawing scrutiny from many political observers. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Harp and her background.

Education: Liberty University School of Blond Woman Business

Job Title: Senior Girl to the President

Qualifications: Made a nice diorama of the Oval Office

Your Estranged Aunt’s Opinion Of Her: “She must be President Trump’s guardian angel. Look at her last name: Harp. That’s no coincidence.”

Special Skills: Fawning, kowtowing, exalting 

Greatest Strength: Doesn’t take up too much space in catering container

Dream Name: Natalie Trump

Access to Nuclear Codes: Fuck, probably

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