Conservatives Remember the Late Dolly Parton, Without Remembering Her
BRENTWOOD, Tenn. — In the wake of the passing of Dolly Parton, iconic singer, actor, and philanthropist, millions of conservative country fans are remembering the country giant’s legacy in a highly selective manner, country music insiders report.
“Workin’ 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin,’ I think it’s important that we all remember that line and no other parts of that song. Probably skip the movie as well, and the DVD commentary, and the Wikipedia page for either song or movie,” said Senator Marsha Blackburn, currently on congressional summer recess. “As a woman, I remember not her views on acceptance of the trans and queer community, but simply I remember her for my reluctance to agree with or even acknowledge it. Fuck, I mean thoughts and prayers, always thoughts and prayers.”
It wasn’t just politicians and staffers but political social media commentators also toiled with crafting a response to the musician’s passing.
We can’t let the left have rainbows AND a country music icon; it’s too much,” lamented Patriot69truckNutz, a conservative influencer with 2.5 million followers. “I, for one, will always remember Dolly as the gun-toting, tobaco chewing republican loyalist I like to imagine her having been. ‘I Will Always Love You’ is poignant and beautiful, or at least it was. Whitney Houston covered it, and now I can’t describe why, but I hate it. But also Jolene, Coat of Many Colors, and thoughts and prayers; I would say thoughts and prayers.”
What small amount of left-leaning condolences that are actually making it into MAGA algorithms is so far being met with hostility and incredulity.
“I was looking at a thread of mostly REAL Americans expressing their grief at the loss of country music icon and, I assume, anti-vax advocate Dolly Parton, and some pinko commie scum had the nerve to politicize the post by writing the following: ‘I think everybody should be treated with respect. I don’t judge people, and I try not to get too caught up in the controversy of things. I hope that everybody gets a chance to be who and what they are. I just know if I have to pee, I’m going to pee. I don’t care where it’s going to be.’”
When told that quote was actually Dolly Parton in response to North Carolina’s Public Facilities Privacy & Security Act, aka “Bathroom Bill,” in 2016, Patriot69truckNutz replied, “Sounds like fake news, but thoughts and prayers.”
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