Biology Teacher Disappointed Nobody Did Assigned Summer Dissecting

SAN MATEO, CA—Noting that the students had known about the assignment since their end-of-year dismissal back in May, Sofia Suarez, a biology teacher at Hillsdale High School, informed her class Wednesday that she was disappointed no one had done their summer dissecting. “All right, you had three months to start on your fetal pig, but it looks like most of you didn’t even pick up a scalpel,” said Suarez, adding that it was fairly obvious how many people in the class had just made their first incisions into their specimen’s abdominal and thoracic cavities that morning. “I get it—when you’re on vacation, the last thing you want to think about is breaking out your dissection pan and methodically dismembering an unborn animal. But you’ve had this pig on your nightstand all summer! You didn’t have to wait until now to slice into it.” Suarez went on to compliment the one student in class who did complete his dissection, as well as several unassigned vivisections of rats, cats, and dogs around his neighborhood.

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