Riley Gaines Places Fifth in Riley Gaines Lookalike Contest

GALATIN, Tenn. — Right-wing activist Riley Gaines took to social media to criticize the judges and participants of a Riley Gaines Lookalike Contest in which she only placed fifth, event organizers have confirmed.

“No, no, no, this isn’t fair! I totally would’ve won if it weren’t for all these other upper-middle-class suburban blonde women who clearly shouldn’t have been allowed to compete in the first place. How do we even know if they didn’t dye their hair beforehand, huh? I bet everyone here is secretly a drag queen,” said Gaines. “I am calling on these activist judges to disqualify these imposters and crown me the champion and rightfully hand over to me the $20 Applebee’s gift card. Wait until the Supreme Court hears about this!”

Winning contestant Kelly Griswald was just as surprised by Gaines’ placement.

“I saw this on Facebook yesterday, so my friend and I thought it might be fun to throw on a one piece and pop down to this Walmart parking lot and compete for a laugh. I’m surprised by how well I placed, but more surprising and frankly a little weird the actual Riley would show up. Nobody even knew it was her until she crashed the podium and demanded we show her our vaginas,” said Griswald. “I’ve been trying to leave for the past 30 minutes, but Gaines and her lawyer double parked around my car and are telling me they won’t let me go until I call into Fox News and declare her the winner. If she really wanted to win that badly, maybe she should’ve practiced saying ‘Hi, I’m Riley Gaines’ a little more.”

The situation escalated after Gaines made a phone call to Tennessee’s senators in Washington.

“This abortion of justice will not stand. Once again the woke left is enacting their agenda to cheat in a fair contest where Ms. Gaines would have won if not for the other contestants also appearing. You can be absolutely sure we will launch a full investigation and hold these rogue judges accountable,” said Senator Marsha Blackburn. “I don’t care if the competition is collegiate, professional, or some random meetup in a parking lot for viral meme purposes; if a conservative white woman loses then everyone involved should be jailed.”

As of press time, Gaines announced she has raised $400,000 via GoFundMe to start another lookalike contest where she is the sole contestant.

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