Shane Gillis Issues Apology Statement: ‘It’s Like Nobody Even Heard the Part About My Fat Bitch Sisters!’

Shane Gillis, affectionately known among his peers as a “Wet Egg,” addressed recent backlash over his SNL monologue where he referred to women at a gym he allegedly visited as “whores”, insisting that claims of misogyny were baseless, out of context, and distracting from his central theme — what fat bitches his sisters are.

“I don’t think people understood what I was trying to say. These women are wearing shorts at the gym, and those shorts are tight. I want to ogle them, but the women just want to finish their workout routine in peace, and that makes them sluts.” Explained a glistening, shirtless Gillis from the comfort of a friend’s all-male, private sauna. “I have nothing but respect for women. I was raised by my sisters, who are technically still women despite being both fat and bitches. I even gave them a shoutout in my monologue but everyone just focused on the “whores” comment.” 

To further drive home his point, Gillis offered another shocking piece of evidence: his phone. “If you still don’t believe me about women at the gym, just look at all these videos I took.”

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