Office Punk’s PowerPoint Only Has Three Slides

CHICAGO — Local office punk Darrell Willis recently presented Business Think Lab, his place of work, with a PowerPoint that only used three slides, despite taking nearly three weeks to produce, confirmed sources. 

“Darrell is always trying to act really ‘punk’ at work,” said Claire Bunchen, his coworker at Business Think Lab. “This weird three-panel slide deck is just the latest, but it could very well be the most pathetic, especially because it doesn’t seem like we’re going to get those Welch’s Fruit Snacks he was asking for anytime soon. One time, he covered his entire desk in spikes and called it a ‘battle desk.’ Another time, he tried to claim ‘Orthodox Strummerism’ as his religion to get a day off and he had to go to HR.”

Behavior therapist Dr. Martha Carter says that Willis’ behavior is the norm for office punks, rather than any kind of break with social norms and expectations.

“It is actually extremely common for a punk who has found themself in gainful, stable employment and a 401(k) to act out in paradoxical, desperate, and yes, even stupid ways,” Carter said. “Mr. Willis’ three-slide PowerPoint is a perfect example of how someone like the former frontman of ProleteRAT can find themselves clinging to outmoded habits, at the expense of Welch’s Fruit Snacks, which really hit at 3:00 pm on a Thursday. I once had a case study of an office punk who gave themselves a stick and poke tattoo of Orkin Pest Control’s logo, just to show they still ‘had it.’ She’s a regional vice president now, I believe. Fully vested.”

Colin Venners, a Microsoft executive involved in strategic planning for PowerPoint, was more sympathetic to Willis.

“PowerPoint is an industry leader in creating visually engaging presentations that communicate information using fantastic, easy-to-use proprietary tools like Transitions and Speaker Notes, rather than some kind of punk admin tool,” said Venners. “However, Canva is fucking eating us alive, so if we need to rebrand as the punk slideshow of choice and sell some never-ending subscriptions, go for it. Three slides are all you need to break the status quo, oi!”

As of press time, Willis was “dumpster diving” by stealing bites from his coworkers’ lunches in the staff fridge.

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