Jake Lang Formally Invited to Join Sinister Six
MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Following provocateur Jake Lang’s wildly dangerous political stunt and subsequent clash with Spider-Man this past weekend at Minneapolis City Hall, the infamous rogue gallery, ‘The Sinister Six’ announced they have formally invited him to join their ranks.
“We have long been admiring the dastardly, craven, truly depraved villainous exploits of Mr. Lang these past few months. But driving a truck into a crowd with flags depicting the ‘n word’? Even I could not sink so low! But then that meddlesome web-slinger had to get involved, and we realized the enemy of our enemy is our compatriot, so we hereby extend an offer for Jake to join our ranks to sow chaos and destruction throughout the world,” said Dr. Octopus via the nation’s television screens. “We’ve long needed someone among us whose gimmick is being a racist piece of shit who unfurls banners at sporting events for attention. Spider-Man will be so frazzled by his backwards logic and straw man arguments against the left, the others and I will beat him once and for all! Nyah ha ha ha!”
Spider-Man met the announcement with his usual wit.
“Man, I just wanted to take a break in a small city where I can watch a baseball game in peace! Next thing I know, I see this racist man-child trying to hurt folks practicing their First Amendment rights, and well, I knew it was face-smashing time. I just hope he’s not related to Scott Lang, or the next Avengers meet-up is gonna get awkward,” said Spider-Man. “So what, are these bozos going to rename themselves the ‘Sinister Seven’ or will they finally kick out Mysterio? No matter, that little bitch has a glass jaw, and I can take him in no time flat. He’s just lucky he ran into me and not Punisher; otherwise he’d be at the bottom of the Mississippi River right now.”
As of press time, Lang was seen breaking out of the Hennepin County Jail using a pumpkin bomb sent to him in a cake by the Green Goblin.
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